Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Randomize
