I like to think it a success when the cops are called
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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