He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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