you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
