I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
