she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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