Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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