watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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