So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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