I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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