I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
