I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
