you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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