she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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