Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
