You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
we should paint friendship bongs
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
