roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
