So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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