my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
