The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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