Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
why is half of my head shaved?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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