My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
