i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
