one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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