sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
