every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
