mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
