butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
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