do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize