i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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