Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
