I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
