so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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