I heard we made out
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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