Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
