Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
