in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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