What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
