Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
