You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
