He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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