Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
