so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
