I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
