its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize