No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
