can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She bit a glass in half.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
