Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You are the jesus of drinking
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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