3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Randomize
