i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
