So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Couch. On fire.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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