Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
