McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
