I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
