You made me cry and you don't even care
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize