why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
