We need to rekindle our bromance
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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