My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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