the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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