I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
