WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
