We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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