If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i drank out of a bidet.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
