...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
