i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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