you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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