I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
