You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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