im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
