Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
