I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
