every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
