I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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