After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
His hands were made for my vagina.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
