yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
