I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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