So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
