is your mom at the bar?
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
