Pregnant stripper...not hot.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I think your dad took our porno
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
