yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
