I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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