omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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